So Long Long-Distance
I don’t really talk to people I don’t see on a regular basis. Yes, I know we’re friends and go way back. I care about you, I do. If you ever needed my help for something, anything, I’ll be there. You have a place to crash in New York. You have a guy to call when you need advice. I’ll go to your wedding and talk to you at reunions. I’m available for all that shit because we’re friends.
But you should know, otherwise we don’t have much to talk about. I’m not a phone person (I hate the phone actually). When I’m on the phone it’s strictly about logistics and if we don’t have immediate plans to see each other, there’s really nothing to discuss. I understand “catching up” but I’m much better in person. Please always include me in those big “life changing events” emails about your new job/apartment/house/girlfriend/wife/cat and give me the chance to stay current, but what you did last night doesn’t have much bearing on my day today unless it’s a funny story I’d appreciate or otherwise involving me.
So just because I’m online and see you online, there should be no feelings of obligation to message each other with “So…” unless there’s something of substance to be shared. I like talking with you, but really, I need most of my conversations to signify progress and moving forward towards a stronger relationship. Empty conversations work the other way, so let’s not have them instead of waiting for a good reason to talk. Let’s take this offline.
P.r.e.c.i.s.e.l.y. Could not have said this better myself.
Use the Internet, email, Facebook, etc., to notify me of the big important things in your lives, when they happen. Don’t wait to tell me everything when we meet in person, which is on average every one or two years or so. By then, the “bigness” and the ”importance” of that thing would have worn off and you’d forget that it happened or something. This hinders the whole purpose of “catching up”.
I’d like to veer away from IM-sessions and emails that are written and exchanged sheerly for the sake of doing so, but when it comes to letters - that’s right folks, remember snail mail? - I am all for it. I’ve been doing some snail mailing this summer and it’s fantastic. Thus far one particular package from Scandinavia really touched me. (Hope you’re well, [redacted]!)
Bottom line: flagpoint the important stuff when they happen but the details - save it for face-to-face or hearfelt old-school letters. You’ll get either the quintessential Sangwon facial expressions or a letter dripping with Yoon cynicisms, self-proclaimed wit, and shocking disclaimers in return.
You know you love me,
XOXO
Sangwon
